Visit to temple had been long pending. We finally made it on Wednesday evening. From the minute we walked in, VK had a very worried look on his face. I was carrying him until then. Once inside the temple, I put him down and asked him to walk with me… he was walking slowly but looked petrified. The Aarthi was taking place and suddenly all the bells started ringing. VK totally freaked out and he ran and hugged my mom and asked her to lift him up. He also started to scream and cry.
Hubby just walked inside after parking the car and he was smiling at VK... But he was just crying Appa and demanded Hubby pick him up. We then took him to the side where there were not many people and was trying to tell him, it was just the temple bell ringing and were trying to distract him and also asking him to do Umachi kapathu (cant exactly translate this.. basically means to pray)..Usually when we say this, he immediately folds both his hand together but it didn’t work this time. He just kept shifting between Amma, Hubby and me and was still crying.I was totally embarrassed as the temple was silent and everyone could hear him cry… everyone was staring at us (or atleast I felt that way).If it was pre-VK days, and if I saw some child cry in the temple, I probably wouldn’t glare but would think to myself that maybe they should take the child outside and calm him. Yesterday that’s exactly I read from people’s eyes when they were glaring at us. However I didn’t want to go out and calm him. I wanted to stay inside and make him understand that it is just the bell ringing and there was nothing to fear. I wanted him to understand the concept of God and temple and enjoy the visit. I probably was selfish and was not allowing others to pray peacefully but I felt that if I walked out with him every time he cried, nothing would change and there is no chance of overcoming his fear… or whatever it was.
This is not the first time this has happened…And this was not VK’s first time to temple.We have been going to temples here every so often from he was almost a month old… (Actually even before that… used to be a weekly visitor when I was pregnant.)He used sulk even then... And gradually as he grew older, he started to show his discomfort. We usually associated with too much crowd in temple, or separation anxiety or any such reason we could come up with. However this time he was pretty vocal about it and just would not let go of us until we walked out. He felt completely at ease after walking out. But this is the child who obediently goes to Swami Room and folds his hand and stands before the idols after his shower and gets his forehead smeared with vibhuti and also repeats this ritual before going to sleep.
I am not sure what bothers him so much inside the temple. I really wish I could read his mind on this and help him deal with it. Its again one of those things that I don’t want to force, at the same time I don’t want to let go.
8 comments:
VJ - This was Arjun a year ago... the noise of the temple may be just loud for us but for a child's tender ears, it must be traumatic... at least I think that's why Arjun used to cry each time we went to the temple... now he wants to ring the bell himself... so just give the lil one time... :-)
May be try talking to him about it, when not in the temple..as in make conversation about the temple..ask him .."namma enga ponom chollu..kovil la bell eppidi adichuthu..kovil la enna panithu kutti and things like that.. That might help ease the fear or whatever it is, he is feeling! But I am sure he'll get over it!
maybe you can get him a small hand bell in your own pooja and familiarise him with the sound
am sure he will start enjoying his vsists afetr a few times
but having said that temple bells and crowds can be pretty intimidating
Was this the first time that you took him to the temple?I guess he would have got scared with so many diyas lit up and then on top of that bells ringing and people chanting prayers in unison.At times kids do get all petrified with loud sounds.
Try taking him more frequently.He will get used to the temple environs in time.
Namnam was like that a year back.No,not in temples though,she loved and still loves going to temples.At other places she used go berserk seeing people around talking in high volume.I remember how paranoid I would get.But then she got over that phase eventually.
So dont worry,VJ.Give it some time.Vk will be fine.Soon there will be time when you'll struggle to bring him out of the temples.
Then you'd be back in this page with seperate post by itself:D!!
@Nitya : I guess that's all I can do.. just wait !!!
@Sole: shall try this Sole..and yah hoping he gets over it soon
@Art: he play around with bell and all the Pooja stuff at home. I think the crowd and big bells together terrorise him.
@Deeps: Nope it was not his first visit and he has never been comfortable.. hope he gets over it soon...and yes he get scared when he sees lot of people.I am thinking it will all change when he starts his childcare in July.
When I read your posts, it reminds me of myself. I spent a lot of time thinking about why Arjun would do a certain thing, whether I was doing the right thing... analysing behavior patterns... researching on the internet... now Arjun is almost 4, he does the thinking for both of us...
So VJ - just relax, enjoy motherhood. Things sort themselves out - always. VK is a lovely kid and you are doing just fine.
Thanks Nitya !!!
really reassuring.. but not sure if I can really not worry.basically in the genes.
I think its completely natural, for a kid to get freaked out! I still remember my lil cousin! Who made so much a fuss when they was in a temple and the poojari/priest who came with the archannai thattu, smeared vibuthi on his fore-head, the lil guy saw his face and shouted, amma, payei, payei, Koila payei!!! That was quite funny and embarrassing! But now, he is nine yrs okay with temple visits.. well He is will be over with it!! Even if he is not, honestly not a big deal akka!!!
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